This Post is Admittedly Long, but Don't You Miss Me?

My friends (and foes keeping tabs on whether I have perished),

It has been two weeks since I last spoke to you, and an even longer time since you last spoke to me due to the one-way relationship in which we currently find ourselves. In that two week period, I experienced the arrival of my girlfriend and three of my friends (two of these friends were best friends before they arrived. One of these I now consider to be a good friend after spending a good deal of time with him.). Three days after their arrival, we celebrated the arrival of Ashley's Aussie friend, Sophie. She flew in from the south of Australia and took in the sights with us.

Together with these friends, I went to Surfer's Paradise for a day, Noosa Beach for two days, stayed in Brisbane for a few days, and checked out the Daintree Rainforest and Great Barrier Reef in Port Douglas for five days. All of these places could be (and in fact are) the basis of a postcard photo, and we got to experience them all in a whirlwind two-week period. Furthermore, we stayed at beautiful condos in both Noosa and Port Douglas and truly lived the life of luxury. It is an extremely overwhelming task to even attempt to chronicle the events that transpired over the past couple of weeks, so I will only recap the moments and sights that stuck with me.

I have already gone in-depth on the reasons why I love Surfer's Paradise so there is no need for further elaboration on the sheer power of the waves that crash upon its shore. When we arrived at Surfer's, Ashley called my bluff and stated her opinion that the waves did not match the intensity that I had described. I am not one to dabble in hyperbole so I felt guilty as I looked out at the waves and thought that perhaps she was correct; they did not look that menacing. That was 11 am. Fast forward to 2 pm. The waves have gotten bigger, more ferocious. Ashley is gasping and coughing for air, completely disoriented, after a succession of waves have had their way with her and robbed her of her bearings, as well as her bikini top. While I was concerned for her well-being (and also the potential for people to get a show for which they had not paid), I also felt vindicated that the mighty waves had come through in the clutch and proven that I do not exaggerate in my writings. Oh, did I mention that she was only in three feet of water at this point? You did not read that incorrectly. The waves handled Ash at a depth of only three feet.

(Edit: I have been informed by Ashley that it was actually at Noosa where she was manhandled by the waves at a depth of three feet. I suppose this her attempt at defending herself, but the waves are actually smaller at Noosa, so now I just feel more vindicated. Am I an asshole? Probably.)

After Surfer's Paradise, we spent a couple of days in Noosa. A couple of weeks ago, my roommates and I spent a day at Double Island in Noosa. To refresh your memory, I believe I referred to that day as the greatest day I have had in Australia. Well, I went back to that place, this time with the Canadian gang and Etienne. Sean's parents, who also made the trip over to Australia, had rented a gorgeous condo on the beach and we all crashed there for a night. Honestly, this condo was unbelievable. It had a balcony overlooking the Pacific, immaculate furniture and large beds throughout, and was a 20 minute walk from the most beautiful natural sights I have ever experienced (up to that point in my life. Oooh, foreshadowing!).

After Noosa, we hung out around Brissy for a couple of days, drinking some beers and seeing some sights. Early Tuesday morning, we embarked on our early-morning flight to Cairns. I must mention that at no point during any of our travels were any of us asked for identification to verify that we were in fact the people who had purchased the tickets. With this information in mind, I encourage you to come to Australia and see if you can correctly guess the names of people who are flying on domestic flights. If you guess correctly, you can steal their flight! What a fun game! Although I was not name checked, Sean and I were both randomly selected for explosives paraphernalia testing (he was actually 'randomly' tested twice on his trip. A suspicious looking character, that one.). Airport security also deflated my football prior to my flight, as the extraordinary air pressure posed a serious safety risk. There is no denying this. We had no football with which to play while in Cairns, and I am sad to report I have not yet re-filled it with air since we returned to Brisbane. It is safe to say that the airport unwittingly altered the rest of my time in Australia and perhaps the rest of my life with that single act of de-pressurizing my football. One could argue that I could just re-fill it with air, but this 'one' we speak of has greatly underestimated my laziness.

Immediately upon arriving in Cairns, the view was breathtaking. The airport runway is surrounded by large hills (small mountains?) covered in dense tropical vegetation. Immediately upon landing, we rented a van and drove an hour north to our condo in Port Douglas. Again, I do not want to go too in-depth into all the fun that was had. I have received a couple of complaints that I am too long-winded in my story-telling and even though I do not convey my emotions due to my icy cool exterior, be aware that your complaints have in fact cut to the very core of me. Thanks a lot, Mom.

One thing I need to touch on was our exploration of the Great Barrier Reef. I am not sure if you have heard of this thing. It's just one of the seven natural wonders of the world and the world's largest living structure, covering an area of approximately 344,400 kilometres. It's alright, I guess. We took a mid-sized boat out and powered over some choppy water an hour and a half both ways. We stopped at three different locations, and were served an amazing breakfast and lunch as well. The entire experience was incredible, but as much as I loved the fantastic food, the highlight of the trip was the reef itself. It was, without a doubt, the most surreal and most beautiful thing I have ever seen in my life.

The moment you put your head under the water, it is a whole new world. As Chris said, "it really makes you realize how meaningless it all is." If I was intensely nihilistic and borderline suicidal, I too would share these sentiments. Seriously though, the magnificence of all the marine life and and the reef itself did instill in me a sense of wonder and also a sense of somber reflection. Swimming through schools of fish, hearing only your own breathing (others heard their breath better than I did. I can only assume it was wonderful), surrounded by a vast expanse of water in all directions. The entire situation evokes some powerful emotions. Perhaps I felt these strong emotions because I am a young twenty-something and these philosophical thoughts of mortality and meaning are never far from the forefront. Or perhaps I am a terrible swimmer and the thought of dying was really not some far-off notion. I'll leave that for you to decide (hint: I am a terrible swimmer.).

I would be leaving out a crucial element of the story if I did not tell you that I almost fell off the boat on our trip back to the mainland. We were all chilling on the back deck (Is deck the correct word? It could be the hull, stern or tabernacle. I am not familiar with boat terms) of the boat when I went down to the first level to get some food. When I came back up, I was disoriented due to a combination of fatigue, seasickness and just getting up too quick. And oh yeah, it was choppy as hell! Anyway, immediately upon coming up to the deck, the boat hit a wave that caused me to tumble and land on Sean, who was sun-bathing his Adonis body. In a small state of shock and not willing to relinquish my food, I stood up quickly. Another wave caused me to lose my balance once again and go tumbling across the deck in the direction of the railing. Luckily for me, there was a fixed chair that saved me. It saved me by jabbing directly into the small of my back, but I cannot quibble. The chair saved me. Would I have fallen overboard? Maybe, maybe not. The gang thought I had exaggerated my near-fall, but would I really dip that close to peril for the sake of a joke? With hearing aids that will be ruined if they go into the water, lungs that cannot hold my breath for longer than twenty seconds, and a method of treading water that fatigues me in less than a minute and a half?

No, my friend, this was no exaggeration.

OK, this has been a long piece of writing, so I am going to wrap it up with some brief recaps of the rest of the journey. We swam in a river in the rainforest, I pissed off a pelican and a kangaroo, we hung out with the koalas, fed some parrots, and the gang accidentally invented a new form of Texas Hold 'Em Poker using only a Euchre Deck. It is an extraordinarily fun game and I can only hope that Sean, Dave, and Chris will try to incorporate it before I return. Because you only use cards 9 through Ace, every hand is intense. It is called 'Power Poker' but it is spelled 'Pokre'. The power is silent. Give it a shot, people. When have I ever steered you down the wrong path?

It was a blast having the boys in Australia and it has been amazing having Ash to hug and kiss as well. Before she got here, I could only do that with Etienne. That was OK, but I was beginning to wonder if he was gay. Ash and I are heading to Sydney on Tuesday and then New Zealand or Fiji the week after that! A lot of my friends, including my close friend and roommate Jessie, are leaving very soon, so there is some sadness tinged with the happiness. It is hard to believe that it has been four months already but I guess time flies when you're having fun. (Time flies when you're having fun? That is a good one. I might start using that one more often. I wonder if it will catch on.)

I hope that you were able to read this whole blog entry. I know I have said this before, but I must once again thank you. Everyone who has told me that they enjoy reading my blog, I just want to let you know that you are the reasons why I continue to write.

I hope everything in Canada is hunky dory and I will check back in with you soon.

Until then, enjoy Jessica Alba:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zmzcKXsllWs

It's just a staring competition, Luke. you can zip your pants back up.

See ya!