Another Brief Update

Hey guys,

Just another brief update tonight since I was not in the mood last night. Tonight I will tell you about Sydney, where Ash and I went last week. It was an awesome time, as every new experience has been here in Australia. The city itself is a bigger version of Brisbane, with big city buildings but not your typical big city people. Certainly, many of them are more rushed than smaller townfolk (hell, even Ash and I started feeling rushed walking around with that many people. And we didn't even have anywhere to be! Your brain just looks around and goes, "Oh shit. Everyone is heading somewhere in a hurry. I think I might be in a hurry too!") but on the whole the people are all incredibly friendly.

The city was a very good time, but in the end it does closely resemble every other major city of the world. Cement, roads, people, cars, noise. Those are pretty standard. That is why it was such an awesome deviation of plan to go to the Blue Mountains, a couple hours outside of Sydney, for two days. We took a bus with an travel company called OZExperience at 7 am with our guide named Bill. The entire two hour trip to the Blue Mountains, he gave us a history lesson on the surrounding area over the bus speaker. Not one second of his speech was boring. He was not rehearsing a mental script. He had not memorized anything verbatim. He loved his job and he loved Australia. It made for an awesome day.

We hiked from 9 am to 5 pm, the entire time learning about all the aspects of life that aboriginals encountered when they roamed that very forest. What trees they used for crafts, what trees they used for food, what animals and insects they feared and where to spot them, and other cool pieces of information that I loved. Our guide, Bill, had been a crocodile hunter for a year and a half before he became a tour guide. When he was a crocodile hunter eight or nine years ago, he had been in an opening bordering a forest during his job when a group of aboriginals approached him out of the trees. He said, "What the hell" and he left his keys in the truck and went into the forest with them. He eventually shed all his clothes and lived as they did. He hunted with them, he slept with them, he lived the aboriginal life. After a month and a half, he returned home. He had a wife and two kids and they had already had a funeral for him. His wife, who had to go through the pain of believing he was dead for a month and a half, is still with him because she understands "that there are just some things you gotta do."

If this guy sounds batshit crazy to you, it's because he was. And I know that story sounds Hollywood-ized but I shit you not, this guy was legit. He was entertaining and smart as hell, but you knew he was a little crazy. Throughout the 8 hour hike, we walked down and up huge mountain cliffs and saw so many beautiful waterfalls and scenic views and beautiful plants, it was absolutely incredible. When I think I have seen the most beautiful thing in my life, something else comes along and makes me think nothing could be more beautiful. I am so spoiled and I know that. Australia truly is a feast for your eyes.

The second day, Ash and I rented mountain bikes and biked these amazing trails all along the opposite side of the Blue Mountains. It was actually a little bit frightening at some moments. I am not an avid mountain biker or even a regular biker for that matter. And we were biking on paths that were lined by a 400 metre cliff with no barrier. I know that realistically you shouldn't fall if you just pay attention to where you are biking, but the fearful part of our brains are not always that easily convinced. I had a wipeout on a steep decline hill and took a little tumble. It was nothing too big because I had already been braking when I felt my bike losing a little control (I am an amateur, what can I say?). Ash also took a spill. In true Ashley fashion, she took her pavement tasting test before we even got to the trail, biking uphill, on a paved road. She had not had the bike for 5 minutes yet. I am laughing about it now, but it was a big fall! The trooper that she is, she got up and laughed it off even though it clearly hurt like a son of a. Then, when a sufficient amount of time had passed, I was able to make fun of her mercilessly.

The views, the fresh air, and the exhilarating rush were so amazing. And also, when we got near the top of the mountain, there was a buddhist monk getting out of a hippy van with four regularly-dressed Asians. No word of a lie - we did not find any wacky plants in the foliage - this guy was a real monk. He proceeded to tell Ash and I a story about some girl in Malaysia with a heart problem and how he helped heal her and some other stuff about Buddha-knows-what. I won't lie to you, I had no friggin' clue what he was saying. But he gave Ash a CD and some written papers. That was a week and a half ago. To tell you the truth, I just realized I haven't read any of the papers and haven't even checked to see what is on the CD. Wow. I guess lack of curiosity saved the cat, as the old adage goes.

Those two days in the mountains, plus the other three days in beautiful Sydney, were just another unbelievable chapter in what has been an amazing ride so far. My reading material on the trip to Sydney was two books - the first was "An Anthropologist on Mars" by Oliver Sacks and the other was "In the Hot Zone" by Kevin Sites. The former was written by a psychologist about his patients and their various abnormal psychological issues - things such as Autism, visual agnosia, Tourette's. The latter is one independent journalist's reporting from 21 war-torn countries of the world in one year. He delves into the issues surrounding the regions and he also gets right inside the war zones, risking himself for the bigger (and the smaller, more personal) stories.

Both of these books had the effect of reminding me how fortunate I am to have born into a country with absolute freedom and to have parents and siblings that showed me love since I was an infant. How lucky I am to have the opportunity to travel the world and experience the pleasures in life while others suffer from psychological, physical, and political problems. It was impossible not to juxtapose my blessed life with the strife others face while reading these books. This is not a speech that will segue into me saying that I want to devote all my time to helping and that I have realized the world needs me on the front lines saving people. I am not sure what this diatribe means at this point other than the simple fact that while I enjoy the moments that are showing me how beautiful life can be, I am never, ever taking them for granted. That is what I know at this point.

I have exams next week, then Ash and I are renting a van and driving up the coast for 17 or 18 days! We will sleep in the bed in the back and there is a foldout kitchen set-up inside. We'll bring the tent along and camp out whenever we find a cool spot. I am so excited to just explore the country on my own time with Ash. It will be an amazing experience indubitably (I try to use that word fairly regularly. It's too kick-ass to let languish.). I have realized since I have been in Aussie that the dairy allergy I had as a child that I thought had gone away has not gone away - at all. The result is gas. So I guess what I am saying is that you should admire Ash. It takes serious courage to agree to spend 18 days straight in a 5x8 box on wheels with someone whose methane distribution has seen serious increases in the past little while.

After the road trip up north, we will be flying down to see her friend (and I would like to believe my friend now as well) Sophie. We will be spending two weeks with her in her hometown near Adelaide and then we will be flying home! As in, to Canada. Man, that is coming soon! I can understand how excited Ash is to to see Sophie because the thought of leaving Etienne is making me sad. When I go on my road trip with Ash in a week and a half, I will not see him again until I go to France or he comes to Canada (we both know one of us will do one of these within the next couple of years). I have become great friends with him and it honestly will be very sad leaving him. I am not usually an emotional guy, I don't think, but I feel like he is a French version of me and I enjoyed every night we sat out on the porch sitting, laughing, and listening to music. She only left yesterday, but we all already miss Jessie too.

I guess that is the one downside of travelling. But that will be enough of that. Who wants to hear complaining from a guy who is essentially living the dream?

One last note: while I write my exams next week, Ash is leaving me for a week to work on an organic farm feeding baby goats and processing the milk to make their yoghurt and cheese. She will also be learning about environmentalism and natural therapy, as that is her host's profession. She will be living on the farm with them and living the lifestyle that comes along with it. She is super-psyched and I am for her! If I didn't have exams, I would love to join her.

Thanks again for checking in, friends and family. Please drop me a line if you are reading this. It's always nice to hear from an old friend while I am on the other side of a planet.

'Til next time!

DeeJ

Dinner with a New Demographic

Etienne and I (our profile picture on Lavalife)

Oh hi,

It has been a couple of eventful weeks in the adventures of Djash. That's right, the solo adventures upon which I used to embark have now been replaced by a two-man crew of D.J. and Ashley. We're working on a better nickname, but I think Djash has some pizazz, especially if you pronounce the 'j' like a 'y' as you would in Bjork.

Before I tell you about our adventures in Sydney, I'll briefly delve into the exciting night I had last Monday. My manager decided that we needed a staff meeting to discuss an upcoming sale and for the staff to all become acquainted with each other (since we work the same shift every week, I had not met two of the four other employees). She decided the meeting would be an informal one and we would mix business and pleasure with some dinner and drinks at a trendy restaurant.

This sounds like a good time, I presume, until you remember that the four other employees at my store are women of at least 45 years of age. Don't misunderstand me; they are all exceptionally nice. It's just that, well, they are all Australian women of at least 45 years of age. What the hell does a 22 year-old Canadian male have in common with them?

The correct answer, as you may have guessed, is absolutely nothing.

To give you a bit more insight into how the evening progressed, let me explain some things about my hearing impairment. I do not hear high frequencies as well as low frequencies. Thus, I have more difficulty in hearing women than men (this obviously has its benefits at times). I have a harder time hearing when there is a lot of background noise. I cannot understand people with foreign accents nearly as well as the Canadian accent to which I am accustomed.

Last Monday I found myself trying to listen to four women with Australian accents in a restaurant that was jam-packed with other patrons. This, I thought to myself as I sat down, is going to be a bit of a struggle. At the precise moment I had this thought, a man sat down at a stool ten feet to my right. He strapped his guitar around his shoulder, started playing it and then sang into the microphone in front of his face. It was almost as if God was saying to me, "You thought that was going to be a struggle? I got more where that came from." I am very surprised that a random group of 4 or 5 aboriginals did not stand directly behind me at some point, chanting tribal hymns while banging ferociously on their bongos. I was fully prepared for this to happen.

Anyway, the dinner ended up being a relatively enjoyable experience, as it is always interesting to throw yourself into a new situation. One downside is that I felt like a conniving S.O.B. at some points as I had to continue to perpetuate my lie that I told when I was first hired. I spoke in-depth about how difficult it will be to spend Christmas in Australia and away from my family. Of course, I am leaving Australia in July. I actually really like my manager and it really was not an enjoyable task flat-out lying to her and the others. I must once again repeat, I am an asshole.

I am all out of time right now. Well, to be totally honest, I do not have any time constraints. I just do not feel like writing anymore. So I will leave you with that story. When I write again, I will have much to talk about. Our journey to Sydney, the incredibly sad departure of my roommate Jessie, me quitting my job this past Monday (I once again had to work from my original lie to conceive further fallacies and spin my intricate web of deceit to new levels), and Ash's and my plan to rent a van and travel the coast of Australia for a month!

Thanks for checking in, my friends. It is a month and a half until I return home and Jessie's departure today really brought our limited time into sharp focus. I am not ready to leave this beautiful place yet, or the great friends I have made, but all I can do is enjoy it to the maximum.

I hope you are all enjoying the blissful anticipation of early summer.

Peace, love, and rampant consumerism,

DJ

This Post is Admittedly Long, but Don't You Miss Me?

My friends (and foes keeping tabs on whether I have perished),

It has been two weeks since I last spoke to you, and an even longer time since you last spoke to me due to the one-way relationship in which we currently find ourselves. In that two week period, I experienced the arrival of my girlfriend and three of my friends (two of these friends were best friends before they arrived. One of these I now consider to be a good friend after spending a good deal of time with him.). Three days after their arrival, we celebrated the arrival of Ashley's Aussie friend, Sophie. She flew in from the south of Australia and took in the sights with us.

Together with these friends, I went to Surfer's Paradise for a day, Noosa Beach for two days, stayed in Brisbane for a few days, and checked out the Daintree Rainforest and Great Barrier Reef in Port Douglas for five days. All of these places could be (and in fact are) the basis of a postcard photo, and we got to experience them all in a whirlwind two-week period. Furthermore, we stayed at beautiful condos in both Noosa and Port Douglas and truly lived the life of luxury. It is an extremely overwhelming task to even attempt to chronicle the events that transpired over the past couple of weeks, so I will only recap the moments and sights that stuck with me.

I have already gone in-depth on the reasons why I love Surfer's Paradise so there is no need for further elaboration on the sheer power of the waves that crash upon its shore. When we arrived at Surfer's, Ashley called my bluff and stated her opinion that the waves did not match the intensity that I had described. I am not one to dabble in hyperbole so I felt guilty as I looked out at the waves and thought that perhaps she was correct; they did not look that menacing. That was 11 am. Fast forward to 2 pm. The waves have gotten bigger, more ferocious. Ashley is gasping and coughing for air, completely disoriented, after a succession of waves have had their way with her and robbed her of her bearings, as well as her bikini top. While I was concerned for her well-being (and also the potential for people to get a show for which they had not paid), I also felt vindicated that the mighty waves had come through in the clutch and proven that I do not exaggerate in my writings. Oh, did I mention that she was only in three feet of water at this point? You did not read that incorrectly. The waves handled Ash at a depth of only three feet.

(Edit: I have been informed by Ashley that it was actually at Noosa where she was manhandled by the waves at a depth of three feet. I suppose this her attempt at defending herself, but the waves are actually smaller at Noosa, so now I just feel more vindicated. Am I an asshole? Probably.)

After Surfer's Paradise, we spent a couple of days in Noosa. A couple of weeks ago, my roommates and I spent a day at Double Island in Noosa. To refresh your memory, I believe I referred to that day as the greatest day I have had in Australia. Well, I went back to that place, this time with the Canadian gang and Etienne. Sean's parents, who also made the trip over to Australia, had rented a gorgeous condo on the beach and we all crashed there for a night. Honestly, this condo was unbelievable. It had a balcony overlooking the Pacific, immaculate furniture and large beds throughout, and was a 20 minute walk from the most beautiful natural sights I have ever experienced (up to that point in my life. Oooh, foreshadowing!).

After Noosa, we hung out around Brissy for a couple of days, drinking some beers and seeing some sights. Early Tuesday morning, we embarked on our early-morning flight to Cairns. I must mention that at no point during any of our travels were any of us asked for identification to verify that we were in fact the people who had purchased the tickets. With this information in mind, I encourage you to come to Australia and see if you can correctly guess the names of people who are flying on domestic flights. If you guess correctly, you can steal their flight! What a fun game! Although I was not name checked, Sean and I were both randomly selected for explosives paraphernalia testing (he was actually 'randomly' tested twice on his trip. A suspicious looking character, that one.). Airport security also deflated my football prior to my flight, as the extraordinary air pressure posed a serious safety risk. There is no denying this. We had no football with which to play while in Cairns, and I am sad to report I have not yet re-filled it with air since we returned to Brisbane. It is safe to say that the airport unwittingly altered the rest of my time in Australia and perhaps the rest of my life with that single act of de-pressurizing my football. One could argue that I could just re-fill it with air, but this 'one' we speak of has greatly underestimated my laziness.

Immediately upon arriving in Cairns, the view was breathtaking. The airport runway is surrounded by large hills (small mountains?) covered in dense tropical vegetation. Immediately upon landing, we rented a van and drove an hour north to our condo in Port Douglas. Again, I do not want to go too in-depth into all the fun that was had. I have received a couple of complaints that I am too long-winded in my story-telling and even though I do not convey my emotions due to my icy cool exterior, be aware that your complaints have in fact cut to the very core of me. Thanks a lot, Mom.

One thing I need to touch on was our exploration of the Great Barrier Reef. I am not sure if you have heard of this thing. It's just one of the seven natural wonders of the world and the world's largest living structure, covering an area of approximately 344,400 kilometres. It's alright, I guess. We took a mid-sized boat out and powered over some choppy water an hour and a half both ways. We stopped at three different locations, and were served an amazing breakfast and lunch as well. The entire experience was incredible, but as much as I loved the fantastic food, the highlight of the trip was the reef itself. It was, without a doubt, the most surreal and most beautiful thing I have ever seen in my life.

The moment you put your head under the water, it is a whole new world. As Chris said, "it really makes you realize how meaningless it all is." If I was intensely nihilistic and borderline suicidal, I too would share these sentiments. Seriously though, the magnificence of all the marine life and and the reef itself did instill in me a sense of wonder and also a sense of somber reflection. Swimming through schools of fish, hearing only your own breathing (others heard their breath better than I did. I can only assume it was wonderful), surrounded by a vast expanse of water in all directions. The entire situation evokes some powerful emotions. Perhaps I felt these strong emotions because I am a young twenty-something and these philosophical thoughts of mortality and meaning are never far from the forefront. Or perhaps I am a terrible swimmer and the thought of dying was really not some far-off notion. I'll leave that for you to decide (hint: I am a terrible swimmer.).

I would be leaving out a crucial element of the story if I did not tell you that I almost fell off the boat on our trip back to the mainland. We were all chilling on the back deck (Is deck the correct word? It could be the hull, stern or tabernacle. I am not familiar with boat terms) of the boat when I went down to the first level to get some food. When I came back up, I was disoriented due to a combination of fatigue, seasickness and just getting up too quick. And oh yeah, it was choppy as hell! Anyway, immediately upon coming up to the deck, the boat hit a wave that caused me to tumble and land on Sean, who was sun-bathing his Adonis body. In a small state of shock and not willing to relinquish my food, I stood up quickly. Another wave caused me to lose my balance once again and go tumbling across the deck in the direction of the railing. Luckily for me, there was a fixed chair that saved me. It saved me by jabbing directly into the small of my back, but I cannot quibble. The chair saved me. Would I have fallen overboard? Maybe, maybe not. The gang thought I had exaggerated my near-fall, but would I really dip that close to peril for the sake of a joke? With hearing aids that will be ruined if they go into the water, lungs that cannot hold my breath for longer than twenty seconds, and a method of treading water that fatigues me in less than a minute and a half?

No, my friend, this was no exaggeration.

OK, this has been a long piece of writing, so I am going to wrap it up with some brief recaps of the rest of the journey. We swam in a river in the rainforest, I pissed off a pelican and a kangaroo, we hung out with the koalas, fed some parrots, and the gang accidentally invented a new form of Texas Hold 'Em Poker using only a Euchre Deck. It is an extraordinarily fun game and I can only hope that Sean, Dave, and Chris will try to incorporate it before I return. Because you only use cards 9 through Ace, every hand is intense. It is called 'Power Poker' but it is spelled 'Pokre'. The power is silent. Give it a shot, people. When have I ever steered you down the wrong path?

It was a blast having the boys in Australia and it has been amazing having Ash to hug and kiss as well. Before she got here, I could only do that with Etienne. That was OK, but I was beginning to wonder if he was gay. Ash and I are heading to Sydney on Tuesday and then New Zealand or Fiji the week after that! A lot of my friends, including my close friend and roommate Jessie, are leaving very soon, so there is some sadness tinged with the happiness. It is hard to believe that it has been four months already but I guess time flies when you're having fun. (Time flies when you're having fun? That is a good one. I might start using that one more often. I wonder if it will catch on.)

I hope that you were able to read this whole blog entry. I know I have said this before, but I must once again thank you. Everyone who has told me that they enjoy reading my blog, I just want to let you know that you are the reasons why I continue to write.

I hope everything in Canada is hunky dory and I will check back in with you soon.

Until then, enjoy Jessica Alba:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zmzcKXsllWs

It's just a staring competition, Luke. you can zip your pants back up.

See ya!