Tom Hanks Will Find a Way Into Any Blog Post

Hi-dee-ho neighbourinos,

I realize that I have not updated this blog in a little over a week. I apologize, but you people can't keep inundating me with emails asking how I am doing and what I am up to. It is getting ridiculous. I don't even have time to experience any of Australia's gifts when I am responding to upwards of 1000 emails a day. I don't mean to sound ungrateful; it just gets tiring being this popular.

What have I been doing since my successful foray into the working world? Not a whole lot, my friends, not a whole lot. I walked through the Botanical Garden in Brisbane, saw the Andy Warhol exhibit at the art gallery, worked one day, watched a couple movies, partied a couple nights, watched some rugby, went to some classes, and I went to Mooloolaba on the Sunshine Coast today. That was the highlight of the week. I love the waves. I don't ride the crest properly at all and consequently I get water up my nose and frequently hit the ocean floor as I am ripped in every direction. But I think that is part of the appeal. When you realize that you are at the mercy of Mother Nature, all of life's problems disappear. I don't really have a single problem, but just imagine if I did!

We had one roommate leave us this week and a new roommate join us. Old Roommate told our landlord we partied too much, causing our landlord to put up a list of rules in the house and regard us with more wariness. New roommate likes to party with us. Old Roommate spoke minimal english and just laughed every time she did not understand anything rather than ask for clarification. New Roommate is American and enjoys conversing. Old Roommate made herself rice seemingly every meal and took it to her room to eat by herself. New Roommate eats with all of us and we have all taken turns making meals each night this week. In short, the house is pretty much perfect now. One French man (Etienne), one French woman (Audrey), and two North Americans (me and New Roommate aka Jessie). Another bonus is that we all have partners back home so nobody is trying to get into anybody else's pants (although I do worry about Etienne sometimes.)

In all seriousness, Etienne and I have become very good friends. We are similar in a lot of ways. He has a very dry and witty sense of humour, much like me. His viewpoint on life is that we should try to be successful but not take ourselves too seriously, much like me. And he also has the highest marks at his business school in France, much like Jesse Spano in Saved by the Bell.

Etienne and I have had some fun times playing pranks as well. When our other roommate Audrey first moved in, she had a surprise waiting for her when she woke up. This surprise was that she could not leave her room because there was a large table, a dresser, two chairs, a vacuum cleaner, and an ironing board stacked against her door. I've also missed a train because I couldn't find any of my three pairs of shoes that Etienne had decided to hide in various locations throughout the house.* Every night we sit out on the porch and have a beer, have a good talk, and marvel at the fact that we are in Australia.

Last week, I informed you that I got a job. However, I never informed you what I will be doing in this job. What if I told you that I am working for Villeroy and Boch, the world's oldest purveyor of fine china and silverware? I can sell a single plate worth $80 or a cutlery set for $600. This is some seriously fancy stuff. As you may or may not be aware, I am not the most nimble and coordinated individual, so I am slightly terrified that I will break something. On the bright side, it would make for a great blog post. I'll keep you posted.

I am not doing anything too exciting as of yet, but only 3 weeks til Ash, Chris, and Sean come and I will be travelling all around Australia. I have been looking into different destinations and prices and it is getting me very, very excited. A couple days ago I was at a travel agency obtaining some information on an island to which I may or may not want to travel. I asked if I could just rough it on the island instead of staying in a hostel. The man informed me that I would have to have some advanced outdoorsman skills. I told him not to worry, as I lived on an island for an extended period of time. He said, "Oh really? What island was that?" I replied, "Have you seen Castaway?"

Just to let you know, a couple hours south of Brisbane there is a beach town called Byron Bay. The population of Byron Bay is comprised of mainly backpackers and free spirits, if you will. I have yet to venture there, but I think I know when I may go there. There is an annual festival held there called Mardi Grass. That extra 'S' in grass was not a typo. This year, Mardi Grass will be held on May 3rd and 4th. I don't condone illicit drugs or the glorification of addictive substances. But I am just a tourist and I owe it to myself to see what the fuss is all about. I hope all the kids there aren't in the throes of Reefer Madness!

That about wraps it up, my friends. It's been nice chatting with you. I like this blog format because I get to do all the talking and I don't have to pretend I find you interesting. That's not directed at all of you, just Chris.

'Til next time!

*I know I did not tell you what my retaliation was for Etienne hiding my shoes. This is because it was not quite as detailed and elaborate as his prank. After a week of eating too many beans and drinking a lot of milk, I had some remarkably putrid flatulence. With this tool at my disposal, I walked up to Etienne, barehugged him, and farted several times. He could not escape my vise-like grip and his intense struggling soon dimmed to faint kicks and tiny little whimpers. I released him before he could be granted the sweet mercy of death.